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     | |              _/_/_____    | |   > >    _/_/_____               | |
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     | |      c   o   m   m   u   n   i   c   a   t   i   o   n   s     | |
     | |________________________________________________________________| |

  ...presents...    The Science of Lob and Sac Shearing
                                                         by Inspektor

             __///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
               \\\\\\\/  Everything You Need Since 1984  \///////
  ___    _   _    ___     _   _    ___       _   _      ___    _   _      ___

When you were a child, one or more of your parents might have told
you a semi-metaphorical tale about how you were created. This tale might
have had as its main characters people or animals or, of course, people
and animals, but that doesn't make a difference. The joys of love and
affection were probably conveyed, as were any other morals your
story-teller wanted to imbed in your spongy young mind. In all
probability, however, no one told you about how you can try to make babies
with anyone, not just the person you love, and that people who don't love
you will want to make babies with you more if you shave your dick and
balls. After all, you could have been confused and decided that all you
had to do was take a razor to your privates in order to make a baby. That
would have been bad. Now that you have come to the age when the hair on
your genitals curls up in recoil from its own self-disgust, the techniques
of lob and sack shearing can be passed on to you without the looming
hassle of legal recourse.  

To understand how all the steps interact, you must first know the
desired effect. When you are out of the shower and drying yourself with an
off-white egyptian cotton bath towel, you will want to be able to run your
hand all around your genital area and feel what can be explained as a
thunder-rod and nut-bag made of chamois. It should be free of skin
catching stubble that will irritate your skin and the skin of those you
rub against. For aesthetic purposes, you'll want a gradient of hair
running from your pubic region to your belly. You do not want an abrupt
lack of hair under your belt. The transfer from hairy to baldness should
look as natural as possible. You will hope not to see blood spots, and if
you were careful with the razor, you won't. The end result is pleasing to
touch and nice on the eyes. You will love your new improved loaf and
jewels so much you won't be able to stop stroking them for the first

A top of the line shave requires three things. First, Oil of Olay
sensitive skin soap in bar form. The liquid stuff won't work well. Women
have known that foam and liquid soap sucks for a long time. Everything but
the bar is almost guaranteed to give you razor burn on your pubic area.
The pink Oil of Olay bar might work fine too, but I have never used
anything but sensitive skin soap. Second, a good razor. The newer the
knife, the better the shave. I use the light green, sensitive skin,
disposable twin blade with the aloe moisture strip to shave the balls I
adore (Not my own, obviously. I am a woman.). I know someone who uses the
Mach 5, or whatever that pumped up, three blade, guy razor with the
gripping aerodynamic handle is called. Finally, you need a stable hand
communicating with a capable brain. Be careful, move slowly. Find a
routine and a path that the razor glides over smoothly. Don't just start
hacking away at your skin where it folds. Use your fingers to pull the
skin flat and then shave it. Light the room that you will be shaving in
well. Keep the package area lathered. Double and triple check for
smoothness. If you miss a spot, don't cry. If your hair is longer than an
inch, first use clippers or scissors to trim before you make way to the
shower. When you are done, sprinkle some sexy smelling talcum powder down
there and start feeling like a real man. Kama Sutra honey dust is an
excellent product. You will have the kind of penis that deserves a blow
job anytime.

If you skip the dick shear and opt to soften just your sack, that is
fine, too. I can understand how a shiny strip of razor sharp metal might
frighten you into a limp eternity. Be clear on the aesthetic consequences
of that choice, however. This is not a decision you make once. You must
keep shaving to fight the stubble. One more thing: the size of your penis
will appear bigger after shaving in exact proportion to the length your
pubes were before you went bald.  Beware of your smoother, larger, more
satisfying sex tool.  Women will want you again after they've had you once,
so wear a condom!  Babies and STDs can be bad news.

    .-.                             _   _                             .-.
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