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     | |      c   o   m   m   u   n   i   c   a   t   i   o   n   s     | |
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 ...presents...                 Pr0n Addiction
                                                        by Chris

           __//////\   -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-   /\\\\\\__
 Est. 1984   \\\\\\/ cDc paramedia : text #381-03/31/2002 \//////   Est. 1984

    __    _   _    __     _   _    __       _   _      __    _   _      __

Pornography is serious problem in our society, and becoming much, much worse.
This is my story and my suggestions to help you break the cycle of a
pornography addiction.

We've all been there once, we've all had the fantasy, we've all had the urges
and the time to act on them.  It was somewhat of a certain taboo when we were
kids.  The fact is that the sex industry is prevalent in every facet of our
lives and as we move towards an online universe we no longer have to be scared
of anybody finding out, of being embarrassed, or yes of even being of age.


The sad fact is that a pornographic addiction does start at an early age,
sometimes as young as eight years old we begin to explore the strange taboo of
a world created for adults only.  Whether it was started out with a peek at
the women's underwear collection of the Sears catalog or sneaking into dad's
bedroom while he wasn't around to find his hidden collection.  For myself I
know I can remember times as young as eleven when I would try to sneak a
pornographic magazine into the house or out, to my friends or to myself.  Not
only was it illegal for me to posses such literature, it was not healthy as
well.  It created a set idea of a female in my head, as an object, as a mere
being created only for sexual purposes.  It never really occurred to me that
these were real live human beings.  Not only that, they were our mothers, our
wives, our sisters, our daughters.  I didn't ever sink as low as shoplifting
pornographic material, though I knew that many had, including some of my
friends.  If you couldn't physically buy it, then it was the only way, wasn't
it?  But while others began to discover the advantages of having a real live
breathing, caring, loving person to be with, I unfortunately never had the
chance, and when I did it was too late.


Many of us at a young age become shunned by our peers.  We develop certain
physical characteristics that are no longer aesthetically pleasing, some
phases, some we keep forever.  Kids as we all know can be the most cruel
people at times.  Being overweight myself and entering an age where hormones
began to run rampant and the dating game became a little more pervasive was
extremely difficult for me.  I was constantly called names in the schoolyard
and taunted on the playground and my friends began to disappear.  They began
to discover girls and they began to discover the joys of sharing another
person's company.  For me that was not to happen for a long time.  Being
tossed aside by friends and fearing leaving the house myself to face some sort
of ridicule, I sought a habitat for my frustrated sexual hormones and my sense
of doomed self-worth.  This is where the addiction takes root.  Hiding myself
within my room, lying to my parents and the friends I did have left, I
traveled into this sort of world where it didn't matter what I looked like,
or what I said or who I was.  These were pictures on a page or images in my
mind, things created not to respond, or things created to respond as I only
wanted them to.  This accompanied by a continual need for masturbation created
a routine that became all too often and all too regular.  Soon I dropped the
fantasy world, pornography was easy, it seemed relatively easy to get if you
really wanted to, and it provided a quick visual fantasy that could facilitate
a orgasm now and whenever it needed to.


We all know about masturbation and we almost all practice it, and though I
Still strongly believe that there are benefits in this sort of activity, the
circumstances surrounding it and the instances at which it should occur are
selective.  First of all, masturbation can help you learn about what you like
and what you like to feel and it can often provide a sense of relief to a
burdened mind or body.  Masturbation I think should be practiced by all
couples as an effective tool in learning about each other.  I realize that
masturbation is not for everyone and as such should only be practiced by those
who feel comfortable with it.  Masturbation should not be facilitated by
pornography however.  Pornography facilitates a false-orgasm.  The true
definition of an orgasm for me is one in which the mind, body, and soul are
mated.  For a pornographic-induced orgasm the feeling is merely in the groin
and there is no real mating with the mind and the soul.  Though it is true
that this visual stimulation is often accompanied by a mental fantasy, it is
rare that this fantasy is not violent in nature.  Violence is not a healthy
means to anything. 


As stated before pornography was easy.  It was attainable and it was
pervasive.  God created us with a gift that we all to often neglect to use --
Imagination.  Imagination is wonderful, it is responsible for almost
everything we use, read, or need in our lives and yet we still often neglect
to see the value in its use.  It is free and everyone has one.  Creating a
fantasy world as a child has proven to be an effective means of fostering
creativity and learning.  The sexual fantasy can be just as creative and
fulfilling.  Though there are a wide range of fantasies that people can have
and I do not condone such uses as rape fantasies and hate fantasies, I do
believe that for a person it can create a healthy means of release.  Fantasies
are never meant to come true and that's what makes them unique and harmless.
We've all had them and I'm sure we will all continue to have them, they can
often be a sense of security in a lonely situation.  However, I neglected to
use my imagination and decided to go the quick, easy route.  And as many will
find, it created an even larger need to fill my addiction.  It was never truly
a mental release, but only a physical one.  That often fostered the feeling of
emptiness and created the need to act again.  But at least I was occupied and
didn't have to face the cruel world of name-calling and continual reminder of
how truly lonely I was.  For years this went on, building and building, lying
and hiding.  I seemed to be happy, but I truly wasn't and my practices only
strengthened the root to a strong, powerful addiction.


As I got older I started to feel a little better about myself, I began to find
more friends and I began to grow out of some of the childhood stages that had
contributed to my addiction.  I began to discover girls, or rather girls began
to discover me, and I began to discover the benefits of having something truly
real and feeling.  I no longer felt so worthless and I no longer felt so empty
and things truly began to get better.  I began to share my sexual needs with
the other sex and began to become fulfilled in this way by them.  I didn't
realize up to this point that sharing a kiss with someone can truly be so much
more powerful than any sort of pornography could ever be.  However, the
addiction did not stop.  My addiction had become so great and so regular that
not even a person of the opposite sex, helping me to fulfill my needs, was
enough to satisfy my sexual hunger.  Many don't realize the power of this last
statement, my pornographic addiction had begun to almost replace the person I
cared about in many instances. 


It was at this time that I began to discover the uses of the internet.  Though
I had been using a computer as a kid and had been extremely interested in them
for as long as I can remember, I had never really realized the uses that could
be had until I came online.  No longer did I have to worry about getting asked
for ID in a store, no longer did I have to worry about acquiring pornography
by other means.  I had the sole most powerful tool in a pornographic addiction
right in front of me -- the internet.  It was everywhere, you would often
almost come across it, even when you didn't want to.  As my relationships
progressed, I kept this secret hidden dark within myself.  I would begin to
even shut out the outside world even when all they wanted to do was pull me
out.  I fell deeper than I had been in my childhood, consumed by the dark
world of pornography and the internet.  Following from page to page to page --
search after search after search.  The hours began to tick by and the days.
The addiction got even greater with an easier means to fulfill it.  More and
more did the pornography seem to bleed through everything on the internet --
hiding in the banner of speaking out against censorship.  The very vile
breeding grounds of the most disgusting and most depressing pornographic
material was on the internet.  As things became faster and more readily
accessible it became even easier, and quicker.  Until one day I realized what
I was doing.


At this moment I am madly enamoured with a certain female which means more to
me than anyone ever could and I can truly say that I've fallen in love --
fallen forever.  Yet, even so I let the addiction get the best of me.  It
continued in a world of deceit and filth, until one day I was faced with the
most powerful situation I'd ever had to face.  I had been embracing a false
world of visual simulation and physical release while pushing away the most
powerful person that could ever walk into my life, wielding the emotional and
mental releases I needed .  Having confronted me with my addiction, and for
this I am truly grateful as it has pulled me out of a downward spiral, I had
been making the one person that I cared about more than life second to a
visual image.  I had become the very person that I was so ashamed to be and
tried so hard to get away from in my childhood.  Faced with losing the most
important thing to me I had to face up to my addiction.  Succeeding this began
a full flood of realizations:

     1)  I'd been fulfilling myself with a physical release when I should
         have been seeking (or craving) the emotional and mental releases as
     2)  I've cut myself off not only from much of the world, but also
         the one I love.
     3)  I've been hurting the one I love without evening knowing it.
     4)  I have been caught up in the lie that pornography hurts no one.
     5)  I'd been wasting much of my life and many of my experiences
         satisfying my addiction.
     6)  I was lying and I was compulsive.
     7)  I'd been telling myself it was ok and everybody does it, when it
         is not.
     8)  I was beliveing that I care more for my addiction than anything
     9)  I didn't realize what I truly had until I almost lost it.

Today, and with the help of the CULT OF THE DEAD COW, I've vowed to help the
crusade against pornography on the internet because I know how little there is
to gain and how much there is to lose.


* Take heart in the one you love -- they are a living, breathing reason stop
  what you are doing.  You've got everything you could ever want.

* Don't believe that pornography is not harmful -- It is -- and often the one
  being harmed is yourself!

* Fantasize -- If you don't have anybody to utilize in your fantasies or to
  fantasize with you -- create one and use your imagination -- remember it's

* Take Heart -- If the reason for your addiction is loneliness -- remember
  there is someone in the world for everyone and you can't find them if you're
  wasting your time with pornography.

* Realize how much time you've wasted - but also realize how much time you
  have left and make the best of it!

* Crave those emotional and mental releases - they are the key to making
  pornography unattractive!

* When you feel the addiction - Exercise! - Often going for a walk or simply
  doing simple at home exercises can subside the addiction.

* Read -- Reading a book can also take away the need to satisfy the addiction
  and can provide much more stimulation!

* Realize what you could lose -- and realize the reasons you already have to

* Don't go cold turkey -- If you feel you can't stop right out then wean
  yourself off it slowly.

* You're only helping the industry -- would you want to find your eleven year
  old son in possession of it?!

* You've got the biggest reason in the world to stop -- Yourself!

This is dedicated to the one who saved my life.


Editor's note:

Sadly, America has yet to realize how far-reaching the devastation of
pornography actually is and to what extent our sense of right and wrong
has been drastically altered.  Pornography is hardly a victimless pastime.
Consider the tragic death of the former Michigan House Judiciary Committee
chairman.  On October 15, 1998, Representative Perry Bullard's life was cut
short by his pornography addiction.


Bullard died while engaging in an autoerotic act involving rope and other
paraphernalia.  He was found hanging by a rope in his basement and was
apparently engaging in a masturbatory activity promoted in pornographic
magazines and videotapes.  Sadly, the harsh impact of pornography has been
swept under the rug by the media.  In this case, the liberal media has
even conspired in a cover-up, reporting Bullard's death as a heart-attack. 

Pornography does destroy.

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